


Selflessly Selfish, Selfishly Selfless

by Evil Teddy Bear (TheDragonRider)



Series: Of Sunny Days and Starry Nights [4]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, F/M, I hate writing break ups just so you know, I'm Sorry, Please Don't Kill Me, break-up, break-up?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 09:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5738638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDragonRider/pseuds/Evil%20Teddy%20Bear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn’t sure how hot chocolate and that admission descended into this… this <em>madness, </em>but he couldn’t seem to stop himself. </p>
            </blockquote>





	Selflessly Selfish, Selfishly Selfless

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Selflessly Selfish, Selfishly Selfless  
>  **Kissing Prompt #25:** “We can never be together” kiss  
>  **Summary** : He wasn’t sure how hot chocolate and that admission descended into this… this _madness,_ but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.   
>  **Pairing:** MariChat  
>  **Word Count:** 1,567  
>  **Rating:** T+ (Does this qualify as a makeout?)   
>  **A/N:** Dear, sweet Anon, you do not request a “we can never be together” kiss with the angiest pairing out of the Square with Kitty. It is a recipe for tears and screaming and a lot of cackling on my part. 
> 
> (I’m sorry. I have a talent for writing angst. Please accept the Ladynoir at the end to help soothe the burn, though I fear it may not be much better. It’s after 9 PM, so forgive any typos on my part.) 

**Adrien** knew it was wrong. _Of course_ he knew it was wrong. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself when it came to Marinette—when he was in Chat’s persona, and Marinette smiled at him like _that_ , with that coy twist of her lips and sassy remark on the tip of her tongue always.

“We need to… stop…” He gasped, his claws digging into the wall (was it even a wall? Or was it a balcony railing? He’d forgotten) as she nibbled on his ear, burning him in the most painful yet non painful way possible. Her hands were on his chest as her mouth, her _glorious, sweet, sly_ tongue slide over his lips. The determination to stop… _this…_ however, was no longer there, and his protest didn’t sound convincing even to his own ears, especially when her body was pushed flush with his and her fingers were digging into his biceps now, and _her tongue—_

She pulled away, but his entire body felt weak and throbbing and hot all at the same time, even as his sanity battled with it for dominance. He dropped his head to rest between her eyebrows, his arms hanging uselessly by his side.

“I know,” she whispered, sounding just as horrible as he felt. What had started out as hot chocolate and an admission of how distant his father was and how much he _hated_ being alone in that house had turned into… _this._ He didn’t know what _this_ was exactly. They both knew they liked someone else even though it was entirely one-sided; but it was too close… he could never tell her his real name, that he was _Adrien Ageste,_ and he couldn’t _stop_ loving Ladybug. To string her along like this was cruel, even though they both had known what they were getting into.

Well, maybe not entirely.

He felt physically ill. His stomach had a gigantic hole in it that wouldn’t let him eat and keep it down, and he felt feverish and not… not _himself_ when he was around her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry…”

She smiled bravely, her pearly white teeth gleaming in the moonlight. But he could see how her eyes shone with unshed tears. “What are you sorry for, silly cat? It’s as much my fault as it is yours.” Her fingers brushed his ears, and he shuddered. She didn’t deserve this; and he wasn’t entirely sure what _he’d_ done that was horrible enough for his luck to cause him to fall in love with someone outside of his civilian façade.

“I don’t know.” He said, laughing softly at himself. He kissed her knuckles and pulled away from her. He looked at her, drinking in the sight of her in all one last time as Chat Noir— _he wouldn’t be able to do this again, wouldn’t be able to not kiss her._ Her lips bruised and cheeks flushed, and her ink-black hair disheveled while her eyes pitched and swirled just like the ocean before a storm. She was one of the most beautiful women he knew, though her beauty was more subtle than most of the models he worked with during the daytime. It showed in the way her eyes lit up and in her laugh.

Their eyes met again, searching, looking, memorizing. He wondered if she knew that he saw the stars in her eyes; the stars and something greater, something there but not yet fully manifested. He wondered if she knew that he could see a million possibilities she could do, all of them greater than anything he could do. He knew that she would far surpass his expectations one day.

And if his heart was breaking into two pieces in the process, well, that was better for her. He wouldn’t hold her back; and this, this was selfish.  

Her hand was trembling but warm as she placed it on his cheek, and then her other went on his left cheek. He closed his eyes, his body not obeying him.

“Princess, please…” He wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence though. _Please don’t? Please do?_ His heart and mind where at war with each other, and he knew that to keep her was wrong… selfish… so horribly selfish. And he hoped that one day, she might be able to forgive him for doing this to her; to both of them. Hoped that maybe one day he could forgive himself.

“Just this last time… okay?” Her eyes are pleading, and he nodded weakly. He knew he probably wouldn’t be strong enough to pull away from her… no, he’d have to be. It was for her own good.

But, just this last time. One last time.

Her lips pressed against his softly, gently, and his eyes fluttered shut as his hands dropped from her shoulders to her waist. Her mouth moved with his slowly like the eternal dance between the sun and the moon (she is the sun, bright and warm, while he’s the moon— after all, if there is no sun then the moon cannot shine), and his heart was heavy.

She pulled away for a heartbeat, their heavy panting mingling and mixing together in the cold night air. “Princess…” he whispered, and then her lips crashed against his, harsher, fiercer. Her fingers wrapped around the skin tight leather of his suite _somehow,_ pulling him closer to her and he gripped her around the small of her back, practically hugging her. Tears burned his eyes as her tongue traced his lips and entered his mouth for a heartbeat before withdrawing, and then her lips pressed against his jaw line in searing hot fire. And then his cheeks. And his nose. And his eyes and his eyebrows and his forehead.

She kissed his lips again, long and slow, and then she pulled away. He pressed his forehead against hers for a moment, trying to draw into that deep well of courage Plagg gifted him with when he was Chat Noir, but it was dry.

“I love you,” he confessed. And he did. Too much really, that was how they got into this situation in the first place. He loved her, but he loved Ladybug more, and that was the saddest thing about this. “I will never forget you.”

“Chat, just… just go. Please. I can’t let you go because I…” she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I won’t forget you either.”

He pressed his lips against her forehead one more time before he extended his baton and forced his legs to walk away from her.

It was the hardest thing he had to do in his life.

* * *

There was silence where there was banter the next day, Ladybug lost in her own world and he in his. Eventually, they ended up on their usual rooftop above a café, sipping at their mugs of hot chocolate in a way that was achingly similar to how he had with Marinette.

He sighed and stared at the lone marshmallow bobbing in his drink as if it held the answers to the universe. “Ladybug?”

She hummed. He closed his eyes, blocking out the lights of the city.

“Thanks for just being my friend.” _Nothing more, nothing less._

She laid her forehead against his shoulder, and he rested his chin on top of her forehead. “We’ll stay like this forever, right?” Her voice had a fragile edge to it, surprising him but… even she was human. “I don’t want to lose one of my best friends.”

He pulled away and sat across from her, crisscross applesauce. She copied his motions, and he held his pinky out. For a moment, she stared at her, and then a small smile slipped on her face and she interlocked their smallest fingers together.

“You’re kind of stuck with me forever.” He said with a wry smile, their fingers interlocked and drifting from side to side. She snorted.

“Humor me, please.”

He straightened his back and cleared his throat, somewhat teasing her but not really at all. “Okay then. I pinky promise that I’ll be around here to _bug_ you forever.” She rolled her eyes at his pun, but he added more sincerely, “I don’t want to lose one of my best friends either.”

She smiled, her sky blue eyes softening slightly. “I pinky promise you won’t.”

His eyes burned and he doubled over as if there were a giant hand pushing down on his back until his head was resting against her shoulder. She went rigid, but just as he was about to pull away and apologize, her hands gently pressed against his shoulders, and then her arms rested against his back in some weird version of a hug.

“I’m glad you didn’t let us become anything more…” he admitted softly. Because if she had… he wasn’t sure what would happen. Just the thought now filled him with sheer dread, and he squeezed his eyes shut tighter. “I don’t…”

“Shh Kitty,” she whispered. “You don’t have to explain.”

That’s when the first of the unshed tears finally slipped from his eyelashes, and if he felt hot drops of water fall against his leather… well, it wasn’t really something he would remember. This was his Lady after all, strong and invincible, and he was her Kitty, fragile and human.

That was the way it would always be.

 

* * *

 

 

See the prompts [here.](http://xxthedragonriderxx.tumblr.com/post/132722860631/runningoutofink-fieryartemisproductions)


End file.
